48- Blood Drive at Civic Center

Blood Drive at Civic Center 

The local university blood center had a blood drive today at the Civic Center auditorium. Almost 300 people showed up, but about 50 were turned away for various medical reasons. Fifty others left because the lines were moving so slowly. The event concluded at 6 p.m., three hours after the scheduled close. It was a long day for everyone administrators, nurses, and donors. But there were plenty of chairs and tables, and many people brought their own books, magazines, or newspapers. The first thing the donors had to do, of course, was fill out the donor registration and screening form. When they finished filling out the form, they waited until a nurse called them to her desk. The average adult body contains 8 to 12 pints of blood. Donors can give one pint at a time. It takes your body 2 to 4 weeks to replace this amount. Most donors filled up the pint bag within 5 to 10 minutes. Before leaving, the donors received a sheet of instructions including: Do not lift any heavy objects for 12 hours. Leave your pressure bandage on for 2-3 hours. Do not smoke for at least 30 minutes. Avoid alcohol for the rest of the day. Do not do any strenuous activity for 24 hours. "I wish I could hug and kiss all the volunteers that are here today," said Martha, the blood center donor recruiter. "Many donors underestimate the importance of what they're doing. They think it is no big deal, but it is a big deal. Their blood is actually saving lives, helping other people to live. We cannot thank them enough for that, nor can the recipients.”

47- Black Friday

Black Friday 

The day after Thanksgiving has become America’s wildest shopping day. Closed all day on Thursday, chain stores all across the nation open early on Friday. Some stores open at 12:01 Friday morning, while others open at 4 a.m. Some “sleepyhead” stores, like Target this year, don’t open their doors on Friday until 6 a.m. From Friday to the day before Christmas, this is the season when businesses make as much as 25 percent of their annual revenue. This season puts many businesses “in the black” that is, into profitability for the year. Reporters from local TV stations interview people who camp out in front of stores a day or two before the doors open on Friday. These people patiently wait in line to get products that are discounted 50 percent or more. “Oh, we have fun,” said one camper. “We bring games to play, we watch TV and order lots of pizza, and we meet interesting people. And, most important of all, we save big bucks!” The catch, of course, is that only a very small number of products are available at the largest discounts. Regardless, each store has plenty of other items that are reduced from 10 to 50 percent—saving shoppers from $10 to $400 per item—to entice Americans to shop. Not all Americans appreciate this frenzy of shopping. Reverend William Graham, pastor of the Church of the Risen Jesus, wants to rename Black Friday. “We want to call it Remember Jesus Friday. People should start the season with the right attitude. Christmastime has become a Season of Shopping. We want to make it a Season of Giving. And we don’t mean giving IPods, DVDs, flat screen TVs, and other crap. We mean giving your back, your mind, and your hands. Help an old lady clean up her house. Teach a kid how to read. Visit sick people in the hospital or in nursing homes. Pick up the trash in your neighborhood. Give blood to the Red Cross. Do volunteer work for charities. Celebrate Christmas by remembering Jesus and forgetting Santa Claus.”

46- Betting Big in Vegas

Betting Big in Vegas 

Jasper's parents were going to Las Vegas for a week. The last time they were there was 10 years ago. The city had changed greatly in those 10 years. For one thing, the all you can eat buffets were $15, instead of $3. And traffic was much worse, of course. But now Las Vegas had a monorail that stopped at all the major hotels. No more walking in the hot sun (or the bitterly cold wind, if you visited Las Vegas in the winter). Jasper's dad loved the buffets. "Even at $15, he'll still eat $20 or $30 worth," Jasper's mom said. Jasper asked his dad what games he was going to play. Blackjack, he replied, if he could find a $2 table. Jasper told him that he might have to go downtown to a real old casino. Most casinos, he said, require a $5 minimum nowadays. That didn't surprise his dad. After he lost a hundred dollars, he was finished anyway, he said. He was never one to throw good money after bad. Jasper's mom had no use for anything except slot machines. She loved the slots, as long as she could find nickel machines and dime machines. "Are any of those left?" she asked Jasper. He said he wasn't sure, but there had to be some, somewhere. She said she was going to play differently on this visit: she would wait till someone used a machine for at least 15 minutes. Then she would play that machine when that person got up and left. Maybe, she hoped, the jackpot would hit on the first nickel that she put in. That's a good idea, Jasper thought. Unfortunately, it's the same trick that everyone who plays the slot machines does. And almost everyone goes home broke.

45- Better To Be Unlucky

Better To Be Unlucky 

Sam, an unemployed piano tuner, said it was only the second thing he had ever won in his life. The first thing was an Afghan blanket at a church raffle when he was 25 years old. But this was much bigger: it was $120,000! He had won the Big Cube, a state lottery game. To win, a contestant must first guess which number a spinning cube will stop on. The cube has six numbers on it: 1X, 10X, 50X, 100X, 500X, and 1000X. If he is correct, the contestant must then guess which of two selected variables is going to be greater. So, just guessing which number appears on the cube does not guarantee that you will win any money. Sam correctly guessed 1000X, but he still had to choose between two variables. One variable was the number of cars that would run the stop sign at Hill Street and Lake Avenue in six hours. The other variable was the number of times that a teenage boy would change TV channels in a three-hour period. This was a tough decision. Finally, Sam flipped a coin. It came up heads, so Sam picked the teenager. He picked right. The stop sign was run only 76 times, but the teen clicked 120 times. Sixty-year-old Sam jumped for joy, for he had just won 1000 times 120, or $120,000. Sam dreamily left the lottery studio. Talking excitedly on his cell phone while crossing the street, he got hit by a little sports car. Sam is slowly getting better. He was in the hospital for a month. His hospital bill was $110,000. And the insurance company for the little sports car’s owner sued Sam for $9,000 worth of repairs. Also, Sam still has to pay federal taxes on his winnings. Sam doesn’t play the state lottery any more. He says it’s better to be unlucky.

44- Beautiful Teacher Smiles, then Walks Away

Beautiful Teacher Smiles, then Walks Away 

 

 

The annual teachers’ meeting was the only time that all the teachers got together in one place at one time. It was a 3-hour meeting, from 7 to 10 p.m. Lecturers talked on various subjects. Each talk was followed by a question and answer period. It was an informal, pleasant evening. The evening always began with a delicious dinner catered by a local restaurant. This year’s host was a Middle Eastern restaurant. Teachers piled as much as they wanted on their paper plates and found a seat outdoors or in the auditorium. Most teachers really seemed to appreciate the food. For Shane, this evening was his opportunity to check out the female teachers. This year, a beauty walked into the auditorium about 10 minutes late. She sat in the row in front of Shane, just two seats away. Shane couldn’t believe it. She was not only the best-looking woman in the auditorium, but she smiled at him before she sat down. She was tall and had long red hair. She was wearing a sexy black cocktail dress. Shane could not focus on the meeting anymore. He looked at the lecturers less than he looked at the redhead. He was enveloped in her perfume. She took notes right-handed. She ran her fingers through her hair. She crossed and uncrossed her legs. Shane was going crazy. Plus, there was no ring on her left hand. The meeting ended. The dean thanked everyone for attending. Everybody applauded the presenters. The redhead stood up. Shane stood up. She smiled at him, and then walked out. Shane walked out. She went to the restroom. Shane waited. When she came out, he walked up to her. “Hi,” he smiled. “My name’s Shane. I was wondering if you have time for a cup of coffee. I was hoping we could share some of our teaching experiences.” She smiled. “Why, thank you. That’s sweet of you. I appreciate your offer, but I’ve got to get home. My husband is babysitting tonight, and I’m sure he’s pretty tired. Maybe another time?” She smiled, and walked away.

43- Bathtub Blues

Bathtub Blues 

A middle-aged man with a long beard was arrested by the police for disorderly conduct and property damage. “More charges might be added later,” said a police officer. The man, identified as Bill Wild, checked into the Motel Five last night about an hour after sunset. Telling the clerk that he would be staying four nights, he paid cash in advance. He then asked her where a grocery store was. She said that the nearest grocery store was John-Johns, which was only two blocks away. The police said that Wild went to John-Johns and purchased three gallons of honey and four gallons of chocolate syrup. The checker asked him what the occasion was. He replied, “I’m trying to become a sweeter person.” The checker smiled at the joke. Wild drove back to the motel. He opened all seven containers and poured them into the bathtub. He added warm water to the mix. Then he placed his boom box on the bathroom floor next to the tub. He tuned the radio to an opera station. He got undressed, hopped into the tub, and started singing loudly with the music. Fifteen minutes later, the lodgers in the room next door phoned the clerk. She banged on Wild’s door, but he kept singing. She phoned his room, but he didn’t answer. Then she called the police, who arrived quickly. “Well, at least he paid in advance,” said the clerk. “That money will help pay for the plumber.” The bathtub drain was completely clogged. The tub remained full of chocolate and honey. “You just never know about people,” said the clerk. “He seemed so nice and friendly. Who’d have thought he was a bathtub-singing nut?” The police said this was the third time that Wild had been arrested for this kind of behavior.

42- Bank Robbery

Bank Robbery

It was 80 degrees in the shade. A man wearing a heavy army jacket, a pullover wool cap, and dark sunglasses walked into the First American Bank at the corner of Maple and Main streets in downtown Short Beach. The man walked up to the teller and held up a hand grenade for all to see. He said, “Give me all your money, all the money in this bank, right now!” Everyone in the lobby screamed and started running, even the security guard. Nervously, the young female teller handed the man three big bags loaded with cash. He walked out the door. A second later, one of the money bags exploded, covering him with red dye. He yelled in pain and surprise, and started pacing around in circles because he couldn't see where he was going. He couldn’t see, but he could hear. He heard the police siren get closer. Then he heard the police tell him to get down on his stomach on the sidewalk and put his hands behind his back. They handcuffed him and placed him in the back of the police car. Seeing the hand grenade on the sidewalk, the police told everyone to get back. They sealed off the whole block and called the bomb squad. The bomb squad came and examined the hand grenade. Then they laughed. They told the police it was a fake. The hand grenade was actually a harmless dummy, something a 12-year-old might play with. The police chuckled. The bank employees returned to work. The bank customers returned to their lines. The bank robber, hopefully, would never return.